How do you see them?

I remember tucking my 4-year-old son in bed one night and while gently kissing his head, I thought to myself, “I wonder what he will be like when he grows up?” “I wonder what he will do with his life and how he might impact others.” “Who will he marry and what will his kids be like?”

I remember feeling in my gut that my kid was special. That he WOULD grow up and do great things!

Then a doubting thought ran across my head that reminded me of how silly my thoughts were. After all, what made MY kid so special? Why was he different? Was I just trying to entertain a form of entitlement or elevated egoism to make myself feel good? Was I trying to live vicariously through him in some way?

I quickly discerned that from my repetitive past, my tendencies would error on the side of small-mindedness, not egotistical. I didn’t have a problem of being overly prideful.  So, after letting those thoughts go, I asked myself again, why would I think that MY kid could change the world or do something amazing with his life?

Having known the annoyingly negative voice that seemed to follow me around regularly, I quickly brushed it off again and said to myself, “Na, not today! Today is a different day. Today is a special day. Today is special because no matter that the voice in my head was trying to remind me that my family and my son were small, I refused to believe it! I refused to give it attention or energy.

As I shifted my thoughts, I felt a power come over me, an internal strength of some sort. I almost felt like I was locking into something. Like in the Star Wars movies when the Millenium Falcone would come and land on the mother ship of the Rebel Fleet. There was protection, value, and praise.  (As you can see, I have boys in the house, and we have watched all the Star Wars many times over. Love those movies!) My positive thoughts felt protected by my newfound power. The decision to not engage with the negative is what gave my mind that power. It felt like a “rise up” kind of energy that made me strong. The power within me felt like a shield and protected the belief and strength I felt. I like that feeling.

I decided to lean into this moment and see what would arise. I decided to lift the lid off of my own small-minded thinking and allow myself to go wherever I wanted to go.

I asked myself the question again, “What will my kid be when he grows up?” “What kind of man will he become?” “Maybe a teacher, or influencer. Maybe a preacher or worship leader. Maybe a craftsman who builds beautiful homes. Maybe the president of the United States?”

As I allowed myself to feel into these thoughts, a joy swept over me as I sat and stared at my now sleeping child. “The president of the United States!” I repeated to myself. Wouldn’t that be something!

I have a love-hate relationship with politics so mixed emotions came up as I pondered if that might be a reality. I quickly quieted my anxious thoughts and reminded myself that my anxiety was beside the point of my internal dialectic exercise. Also being the president isn’t necessarily the end all of success, but it represented in my mind something great.

My thoughts then turned to asking myself questions like, “Who am I to say that he CANT be the President of the United States?” “Who would I be if I limited my own beliefs about him?” “Is that not what a parent is for; to believe the absolute best for our child?” I contemplated. Okay, let’s say for a moment that he is destined to be the President of the United States, “Do I have what it takes to raise a future president?” “If I knew for sure that this was his future, I wondered, am I strong enough, knowledgeable enough, courageous enough to take on such a task?” “Would I be able to guide and influence and shape him into the man that would be required?”

All these questions flooded my mind. I just let them come. One after the other. GREAT BIG HUGE QUESTIONS. I just sat with them as I stroked his soft red hair. I embraced the thoughts and let them settle, allowing them to take over.

“What if?” I thought!

The truth that I believed is that he could be whatever he wanted to be and that I was going to do my absolute best to help him be the most amazing person he set out to be.

This moment in me took place about 15 years ago. I recognized a shift in me after that day. I began to think of my son differently. I could see beyond the day-to-day. I could look into the future and visualize who or what he might become. I started to think differently and act differently with him and towards him. Nothing extreme happened and my daily parenting was pretty much the same, but my energy was different. The intention of carrying a holistic perspective about my child gave me strength that came from the inside out. It was a posture of sorts. The way I carried myself towards him and for him.

I continue to this day to look at my son and say, “I wonder what he will be or do when he is older?” He turns 19 years old in a few months and is off to college in the fall. Some things are starting to take shape and it is exciting to see his life unfolding.

He is strong. He is capable. He is a leader.

I never told my son about my thoughts that day or how it challenged me to think differently about my parenting intention. But I have carried it with me over the years and it has served us well.

The goal was not to fit him into a mold. The goal was for me to keep the correct perspective that I have no idea what the future holds for the beautiful person that I helped create, but I get to see his future most amazing self and help pull it out of him so he can see it too!

I have two more sons that followed, and I have done the same thing with them. My second son is 17 years old, and my youngest son will be 9 years old in 4 days. When tucking him in bed at night kissing his head and stroking his soft brown locks, I often think, “I wonder if I’m raising the next President of the United States?” I still ask myself the same question. I smile now when it comes to mind. I’m a little wiser than I was 15 years ago. I’ve learned a few things.

The process of intentional parenting doesn’t really get easier, but it does get more fun as you embrace it along the way and see the outcome take shape in your kids’ lives. It’s a pretty cool feeling to look back and see the journey this far. The next 15 years are going to be a blast, that’s for sure! I can only say that with confidence now because I’ve walked it out, one day at a time!

Some days are rough, but most days are special.

In summary, the way that I THINK about my position as a parent, greatly affects the way that I actually show up and parent. The way I THINK about my son greatly impacts how I teach, shape, and mold him. The way I THINK allows me to be strong and courageous during hard times. I can still see the best in him, even when he isn’t showing up in his best version.

The way I THINK is also the cheering platform for when things are going well, and I can SEE him coming into his amazing self. That is a glorious moment to see!

I concur and hope that my son can look back and not see a mother who was perfect, but a mother who loved, supported, and challenged him to be the most amazing version of himself with an unwavering understanding that I believed in him!

I’ll leave you with this,

“When you look at your child, WHO do you see?”

P.S. Photo by Museums Victoria on Unsplash