Allowing Myself To Feel

There's a lot we learn from our parents!

For me, as a child and a part of a disciplinary action, my dad would make us kids move the wood pile from one location to another. I think the first time the task was given it was probably a legitimate need. The second and third time though, I’m sure it was just out of a pure genius idea to keep us 6 kids busy and out of trouble for hours!

I bet my parents sat in the kitchen staring out the window watching us move and stack the wood, while chuckling at themselves for being so creative. I personally only remember participating once in this recreational punishment, but I do remember viewing some of my other siblings doing this task multiple times over the years.

What can I say, some learn faster than others! lol!

Today I’m moving and stacking a bunch of wood at my own home. In my adulthood, it has become a favorite chore of mine. I gladly do it, often without any help. Not sure why, just one of those things that make me feel good.

Secondly, wearing sunglasses on a "non-sunny day", I learned from my mother. Only on occasion, this would happen, but when it arose, all of us kids knew something was wrong and Mom had been crying. It was her way of covering up her tears. I always felt bad when this happened because my mother was generally a very beautiful and happy lady.

Well, today I've been overly sad.

I’m sad because my son has graduated high school and is going to college in a couple of months. I've been crying on and off throughout the day, hence the sunglasses on a not-so-sunny day! Thanks Mom!

I am truly excited for my son, yet today the emotions took over, and reflection settled in...

I knew the last few years would go fast.

They did.

I don't regret one time staying up too late talking or feeding his friends pizza and the boys eating me out of house and home or paying for his shoes or gas or golf!

I don’t regret all the other commitments I said no to so that I could be more present.

I don’t regret saying no to other people’s expectations about school, church, or sports.

I loved it ALL!

Every day was a precious gift and I'm so thankful I had the perspective to understand that it would fly by.

If your children are still at home, I hope you remember how special this time is.

It's special for you and for them.

Anticipated grief (when you grieve something that you know is coming but hasn’t happened yet, like a child moving away) is a real thing and I know many others can relate. I’m going to write an article about this for my blog as I think it needs to be talked about more. I hope to have the article posted by the end of the week.

Just remember, it’s okay to miss your kids. It doesn't mean you're weak or that you don't want them to grow up.

It just means you love them fiercely!

So for the next couple of hours, I'm going to stack my wood pile, keep my sunglasses on, and remember all the beautiful days when he was a little younger and we had just a little more time!

Much love,

Angela