Benefits of intentional parenting
Hello Friend!
There are many good snippets for you in this article. Some points deserve their own writing, but I consolidated them for the sake of sharing with you what a day in my life looks like in reference to intentional parenting. I hope you enjoy it!
Details of yesterday, October 19th, 2023.
- I Groggily rolled out of bed to do the morning school routine. (Not my favorite. I’m a ‘sleep till my body naturally wakes up wakes up’ kind of gal.) (Another side note, I’ve thought about counting the days till my youngest son can drive so I don’t have to set my alarm anymore. But since he is 9, I still have a wase to go and haven’t taken the time to do the math. Once he can drive, I will never again, for the rest of my life set an alarm! LOL!)
- After dropping Preston off at school, I met up with a girlfriend who was whizzing her way around Fred Meyers getting ready for her new foster child’s arrival scheduled for later in the day. I helped her pick out socks, the perfect squishmallow, and snacks. It was understandably an emotional time and her desire to help this 7-year-old little boy feel as much at home as possible was heartwarming. We originally had planned on a normal coffee date but quickly changed when she and her husband got the call the evening before. We still enjoyed some coffee and a continued visit in her car out in the parking lot. I love it when my friendships are real and raw. Wouldn’t want it any other way!
- I then came home and had a great day of focused work for the next many hours.
- Next, I picked up Preston (my 9yo) from his afternoon childcare and spent time with him doing homework, eating a yummy dinner, doing the normal bedtime routine, and then some story time.
- As Preston was getting snuggled up in his bed (with all 32 stuffies) he, once again, shared with me how he has been having a hard time falling asleep and how he often still gets sad at night. This has been going on for about a month now.
- I spent a few extra minutes, and we talked about the power of our thoughts. I reminded him that it's okay if he is sad but that doesn’t mean anything is wrong. I explained to him that sometimes different emotions come up when we are tired. It’s our body's way of letting things out because earlier in the day we can be too busy to notice some of our feelings.
(Just so you know, there is nothing wrong with Preston right now and his sadness is part of him maturing emotionally on a developmental level. Around the age of 9, our emotions go deeper, and we become more aware of ourselves. This is a normal sign of growth and brain development.)
Preston and I talked about how sometimes we can choose to be happy or choose to be sad. I reminded him that whatever thoughts he allows himself to think about in his brain will then travel down his body and affect what he feels inside his heart. With a wide-eyed look on his face he replied, “And then, that is what you will see on my face!” I replied, “Yes, that’s correct!”
(I only use this teaching after I have assessed that there is nothing wrong and it is truly developmental. If there was something wrong, however, I would have taken the time and given him space to sort out those feelings.)
This pattern is great for kids to learn. It teaches them how to be in control and aware of what they are feeling. It gives them a sense of security when they see they can have emotional ownership. Here are the steps in simple terms.
Steps to emotional ownership:
1. Think about happy things.
2. Then you will feel happy in your heart.
3. And you will show happiness on your face.
1. Think about sad things.
2. Then you will feel sadness in your heart.
3. And you will have a sad face.
THINK… FEEL… SHOW…
All of it starts with how you THINK!
This is what Preston and I talked about last night before he went to bed. The conversation took about 5 minutes and he felt much better knowing he had tools to help himself feel better.
(I did not do this last night, but we often will take it one step further and practice “thinking good thoughts.” It's such a simple thing to solidify success.)
- After Preston was in bed, I read my bible in a hurry because I was supposed to be starting a Bible study with my son Wesley (my 17 almost 18yo) the next day and I was not prepared.
- Then, I started picking up my house and gave Tanner (my 19yo off at college) a phone call. He had texted me earlier in the day and asked if we could talk.
While we chatted, I did the dishes, put household items away, and folded laundry. We talked for about an hour and a half. Well, I should say that HE talked for at least an hour and fifteen minutes. I talked about the other fifteen. 😊
He shared with me all the things going on with school and basketball. He shared some of his deeper thoughts and frustrations. He asked for my advice. He listened to my advice and thanked me for it. He also made some amazing decisions on his own during our conversation because he had space to just talk and hear his own thoughts out loud.
- After getting off the phone, I took a shower and got myself ready for bed. Then went to my room and started journalling a few notes of important things I wanted to remember about this season of my life.
- Next, my son Wesley came home from hanging out with friends. Once in the house, he came and found me, gave me a hug and kiss, saying hello. Then he pulled out the bench at the end of my bed and sat down. (I talked about the power of having a chair or bench in your bedroom in my other article here.)
For the next 2 hours, we talked. We covered topics such as high school friendship dynamics, extended family issues, people we love who are hurting, and philosophical ways of thinking and how they affect our lives.
- After kicking Wesley out of my room because it was so late, I turned my bed lamp off, hit the pillow, and was fast asleep!
Oh yeah, I also found out that Tanner and Wesley had talked earlier in the day for over two hours. I guess the conversation happened while Wesley was outside mowing the lawn for me. Not sure how he could hear anything but sometimes I don’t ask and just let them do their thing! Lol!
They talked about life, how they were doing, friendship drama, and girls! (Because that’s always a super fun topic!) During their conversation, they decided to start their own accountability idea of reading their Bibles every day and sending each other two scripture verses that spoke to them. You know, just for kicks!
What is so magical about this moment is that they are choosing on their own to have a relationship with each other. They are also choosing to grow individually and have someone else be a part of their life in deep, meaningful ways.
Because they have been taught how to have good relationships, they turn around and crave good relationships in their own life. This is the ripple effect of intentional parenting.
The conversations today were good and deep. This doesn’t happen all the time but because I raised my sons in a family culture where we have conversations and heart-to-heart connection, it's not hard for all of us to continue in that pattern. Now we all crave conversations and feel empty when there is not enough communication happening.
In my home, these types of deep conversations usually happen anywhere from 2 to 6 times per month, on average with each son.
I wasn’t planning on promoting my new video course in this article, but it makes sense to do so and I often write the best articles when I just go with my inspiration. Plus, I promise that if you are reading this article, then my course is for you and your life will be greatly blessed!
In my upcoming video course on intentional parenting, I show you 5 simple steps to create a home where connection is NORMAL. I will teach you how to think and what to do to raise strong kids and create healthy, lasting bonds with them. The five steps go on repeat, day after day, month after month, year after year, which is why my intentional parenting formula is so successful!
It's simple to do and easy to replicate.
The day in my life yesterday was a good example of what the benefits look like when intentional parenting has become second nature.
Creating a family culture of connection takes time, however, because of the human heart's desire for connection, change can happen fast. Connection is also a great healer, so if you or your family have struggled in the past, there is hope right around the corner.
The Big 5 of Intentional Parenting video course launch date is Saturday, November 11th at 9:00 a.m. so stay tuned!
I hope you have a lovely day finishing your week and heading into your weekend.
I’ll be thinking of you!
-Angela
P.S. This photo is of the boys and I, taken a couple of weeks ago when Tanner (my redhead) came home from college for the weekend. We had just returned from a visit to our local farmers market. It was a comical event because they all wanted to do something else with their afternoon, but I forced them into my car and made them go with me and spend time with me! It was perfectly humorous and wonderful!
