Being a mama bear

I like this picture because even in her anger this Mama Bear is controlled, smart, collected, and yet very ready to pounce!

When someone mistreats your child, it is absolutely okay to NOT BE OKAY!

YOU are the protector of your children...ALWAYS!

YOU should be the one to stand up for them and confront the bullies.

And along the way you should teach your children to have a voice and speak up for themselves. They need this vital skill and when they live at home, it is your job to help them learn how to do this.

This article was inspired when my oldest son was getting ready for his high school graduation party and some prominent people in his life told him they were not going to come to his party. The reason for their absence had nothing to do with him but some long-ago relationship strife between other people. When I heard the news, I was furious! Why was I furious? Because the repercussions of their decision not to come were not going to affect the long-ago issues and those involved, but it was going to directly hurt my son. He was the one that was going to pay for their selfishness.

Unfortunately, things like this happen in life all the time with people. We need to know how and when to communicate and teach our children how to communicate as well.

The cool thing is that my son, on his own accord, decided to address the issue and communicate how their decision made him feel. I only heard about this conversation after the fact. It was a difficult decision for him to have the conversation, and I was proud of him for doing it.

After the conversation that he had with them, some of them came and some did not. All were blessed that chose to come.

Looking back, I was articulating what I had done to teach him how to have a voice and stand up for himself. In the beginning years, I often did it for him and then as time went on, we would do it together, and presently he is confident enough to have difficult conversations on his own. This is a wonderful pattern of how it should work.

Here are some steps on how I taught him over the years.

1. Teach them how to communicate their feelings and frustrations to you first. If they feel safe with you and they are confident that you will listen, they will continue to talk to you.

2. Roll play on different action steps you can take to resolve the issue. Come up with different scenarios and let them participate.

3. Work together to come up with a plan to resolve. Allow them to practice the conversation with you. Roll play who the people are and what their verbiage can be. There are different ways to say the same thing so teach them HOW to talk.

4. Help them walk it out – go together!

*Sometimes we can't resolve things with other people but when your child knows you are on their side and will fight for them, then they will feel safe, secure, loved, heard, and seen. Sometimes this is all that’s needed to resolve the issue. We can’t always change other people and we can’t make them treat us well but knowing that we are on each other’s side at home acts like a shield for when the real world is mean.

*Sometimes confronting others is uncomfortable but when appropriate, don't skip out on this just because everyone doesn't like it. It is good for people to be accountable for their actions, especially when they've done something (intentionally or unintentionally) that has hurt your son or daughter. This is also a big step because it lets you see the character of the other person. If they desire to be in a relationship with you and your child, they will listen and help to resolve the issue. If they are defensive and rude then you can evaluate how much you want that persona part of your life.

*If you teach your child when they are small, things don't become easier as they grow, your child will just become more equipped, which will serve them well in the long run.

Stay strong and fight for your kids!

Teach them to have a voice and communicate when something is wrong or hurtful.

These exercises only add to the bond that is forming between the two of you. Love and trust are products of this bond, and a heart connection continues to grow.

Keep going!

Much love,

Angela

P.S. This blog picture was taken from Photo by Kaiwen Sun on Unsplash