When your kid is deeply struggling

To my Dearest,

The love you hold in your heart for your son or daughter is unmatched by any other.

You know this love… You feel this love…

You wonder how you will make it through. You wonder how THEY will make it through.

You worry.

Where are the answers I need? Where can I find them?

Who can I talk to that can give me guidance?

I feel lost…

In the quiet whisper of the night, you think about how you got here. What went wrong?

Head on your pillow trying to sleep, your thoughts toiling.

You blame things, or maybe you even blame yourself.

Why did things have to turn out this way?

Is there any hope for something different?

“I’m exhausted” you feel your familiar thoughts talking.

You wake in the morning with a slight speck of hope that maybe today might be different. Maybe today there will be a shift. Maybe today the miracle you’ve been praying for might happen.

My dear friend,

I am here to tell you that you are not alone.

Your voice has been heard and your tears collected.

I will tell you the secret, the magical answer to your worries and prayers.

Here it is:

Tend to their HEART.

TEND TO THEIR HEART.

We all have a heart, and it is the single most important thing that drives us.

We all want to be heard.

We all want to be valued.

We all want to be seen.

We all want to be loved.

Deeply…endlessly…forever…

We all want these things, especially from our parents.

There are no twists or dark horses in this truth.

I just simply is… THE TRUTH.

Tend to the heart of your child.

What is it that makes them smile? Do more of that.

What is it that they love? Do more or embrace more of that?

What is important to them? Make it important to you.

Learn their love language and do it often.

Better yet, do multiple love languages, sending a clear message that you are there for them.

Be relentless in your love!

Here is another TRUTH…

Behavior comes from the heart.

BEHAVIOR COMES FROM THE HEART!

Everything we do, everything we believe comes from the deepest parts of our heart.

If our HEART (not our head) knows without a shadow of a doubt that we are loved by our parents, then we actually WANT to have a good relationship with them. We want to have a connection. Deep down inside every human being has the desire to be loved and accepted by the ones who brought them into this world.

DEEP DOWN INSIDE EVERY HUMAN BEING, IS THE DESIRE TO BE LOVED AND ACCEPTED BY THEIR PARENTS.

So now, take a deep breath… literally… take a deep breath.

I know the pain you feel is real. It’s been building for a while now and it feels hopeless. But I am here to tell you the truth. I have walked what you are walking. I have been in your shoes.

Some of the deepest struggles I’ve helped other parents walk through with their kids as well as walking through some of these difficulties of my own are:

Helping teens overcome deep depression.

Helping kids overcome complete lack of motivation in school to the point where they wanted to quit.

Helping children overcome an eating disorder.

Helping teens walk through childhood trauma.

Helping kids walk through being victims of emotional abuse by another parent.

Helping children walk through having an addicted alcoholic parent.

Helping kids walk through angry outbursts and tantrums that lasted years.

Helping teens walk through emotions from parents who abandoned them.

Helping children through sadness and grief from divorce.

Helping teens cope with aggressive political oppression at school.

Helping kids cope with and heal from chronic pain.

Helping teens cope with friends who try/follow through with suicide.

Helping kids deal with bullying and relentless negative pressures.

Helping children deal with anger toward their parents and rebuilding trust.

Helping kids deal with obsessive negative thoughts.

Helping support children dealing with mean kids at school.

Helping children and teens when they have no friends and feel alone.

Helping youth transition into adulthood and moving into their own person of responsibility.

Helping teens deal with pornography.

Helping children deal with special needs at school.

Helping kids deal with video game addictions.

Helping to have open communication so parents and kids can talk about hard and deep subjects together like faith, God, church, philosophy, drugs, alcohol, suicide, peer pressure, sex, pornography, pregnancy, abortion, masturbation, current political issues, gender identity issues, etc.

As you can see, I’ve walked in your shoes and helped other parents tackle difficult things with their kids. I know the hurts firsthand and I’ve helped other parents who are struggling too.

This is the absolute beautiful, loving, kind, wholehearted, move mountains, kind of truth…

It’s ALL about tending to their HEARTS.

When one feels loved, seen, and heard, they WANT to love, see, and hear in return.

The connection is magnetic.

They won’t even know what is happening but all of a sudden if they feel loved and seen, their walls come down, tears flow, and they come to YOU; their MOM or DAD!

Contrary to their horrid behavior at times, they WANT to be close to you. They WANT your approval. They WANT to please you. They want to live life WITH you and have a CONNECTION with YOU!!!

I love you so very much and my heart is for you.

The challenges are real, and I see you.

You are not alone.

Ask yourself every day how you can connect to their HEART.

Be consistent EVERY SINGLE DAY.

Watch…

Wait…

Keep going… wait for it… WAIT FOR IT…

And then it will happen… connection!

(Realistically if things are really bad, you should make a connection to their heart every day and see some results in an average of 6 to 8 weeks. It can feel like forever, especially with the amount of effort that you are putting in but hold the line and keep going. Connect to their heart every day. Don’t give up.)

YOU are the star of the show (your home) and I am your biggest cheerleader. I will yell and scream and hop and cheer and lead in a song of encouragement and victory.

YOU’VE GOT THIS!!!

No matter how big the bully (the situation) feels. You are stronger. You are wiser. You are braver.

You know why I know this?

Because your kid is YOURS!

And there is no love on the face of the earth than that of a mother or father has for their child.

So be empowered.

Go. Fight. Win.

Yes, LOVE does, in fact, win!

Cheering you on all the way,

Angela

P.S. Photo by Richard Stachmann on Unsplash