The Parenting Rollercoaster

The up…

The down…

The side turns...

The complete upside-down turns that make you want to throw up…

The sense of terror when your stomach is in your mouth because of the speed and intensity of the drop…

And yet so many people get off the ride and say…

LET’S DO THAT AGAIN!!!!

Well, this is a lot like parenting, except the ride is over 20+ years!

Right now, in my life, I feel like I’m in the ‘complete upside down, turn that makes me want to throw up.’

This “upside-down season” started about 9 months ago (at the time of this writing) in the spring of 2023.

Let me explain.

My son Wesley had just finished playing his junior year of basketball where his team took 2nd place in the Washington State 4A division. Even though the team overall had a hugely successful season, Wesley’s body had started to crumble under all the athletic and physical pressure. By the end of the season, he ended up with quite intense knee, hip, and lower back problems.

For over two whole years we had tackled his body pains together, taking time to rest, get on the right supplements, as well as see high-end professional doctors and physical therapists who all played a part in helping Wesley to feel better. Some things worked, some did not.

And now at the end of his season, he was concluding to let go of his basketball dream to play in college. He was considering not even returning for his senior year of ball. Even though he had fought through the pain and sought help for a couple of years now, the pain was just too much, and we had hit a dead end.

Saying it was sad is an understatement. Being his mother, I had to help him learn how to listen to his body. When his dream first started, he was so motivated that he would work out 2 to 3 hours per day, oftentimes more. He was in the best physical shape of his life, and he was a stud on the court. The highly sought-after high school program that he was a part of had so many open doors for him and a real opportunity to get a college scholarship.

I love my kids no matter what they do. I do not believe in putting a lot of pressure on them to play sports or be perfect at something. But if one of my kids wants to GO FOR IT then I will back them up 100% and do what I can to be their cheerleader.

So last spring, he made the extremely difficult call to exit the basketball program and shift his mind and body to new things, ultimately acknowledging and submitting to letting go of a big dream.

About a month after he let his coach and team know he would not be returning, he and I were on a walk one day and I asked him, “Hey bud, how is your heart? How are you doing inside?”

He knew what I meant and with a grin on his face he replied, “Well, I went from not liking my life (because of the physical pain) to now, I don’t have a life at all!”

We both laughed!

All that to say he didn’t know what he wanted. He didn’t know what was next. He just made the best decision he could that was in front of him.

Over the next few months, he went and worked on a cattle ranch a few hours from our house. He loves the outdoors, and it became a huge outlet for him to make steps toward his future. They loved him so much on the ranch and they asked him to stay on permanently.

My oldest son at the time was wrapping up his senior year in high school and had the worst case of senioritis. He didn’t want to do ONE MORE ASSIGNMENT. He just wanted to hang out with his friends. He just wanted to get out of town. He worked for the summer at our local country club and then headed off to a community college a few hours away to play basketball there and work towards his AA degree.

OK, so… If you’re following me, I’m getting to a very distinct point where my oldest son is leaving for college and my second son has a permanent job lined up, both a few hours away. That means that they would both be moving out of my house around the same time.

BOTH ARE MOVING OUT AT THE SAME TIME!

I was already having a hard time transitioning knowing my oldest was going to be moving away. Then you add son number two and honestly, it was just more than I could bear.

I cried for two months straight as all the details were coming together. My love for them and what is best for them is greater than the details of what is unfolding so there was no way I was going to hold them back, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t an emotional rollercoaster to let them go.

At the beginning of fall when both were gone I had gained some of my emotional bandwidth back. I remember sitting at the dinner table with my youngest son Preston, who is 9, and he and I just stared at each other. We both had the expression of, ‘Well, now what do we do?’

The house felt empty.

We were sad.

We played a lot of cards, and board games, and went to the park, rode bikes, and hung out with some friends.

We knew we would be okay, but it was a HUGE transition.

Now, I’m going to skip ahead two months which puts us about late November 2023.

Are you ready for it?

 Drum roll, please…

THEY BOTH MOVED BACK HOME!

Yep, that’s right… They BOTH moved back home!

Why, what happened you say? That doesn’t make any sense!

Yes, I know, it doesn’t make any sense.

This is exactly why I titled this article “The Prenting Rollercoaster.”

Here are the condensed details…

Wesley’s boss ended up not having as much work for him to be on full time and he was getting quite lonely with a less-than-busy work schedule and no real friends. Being that he was entering his senior year of high school he realized just how much he missed being around family and friends. If the workload was greater that would have changed things but sitting around doing his online college courses for graduation and twiddling his thumbs with work, it didn’t make sense for him to stay on full-time. So, he packed his bags, drove over the mountain, and came home.

Tanner ended up getting a couple of injuries right off the bat with basketball and one included a bad concussion. All that to say, he decided to put college ball and school on hold and transition quickly to a gap year.

They were home within two weeks of each other.

I had no problem welcoming Wesley because he was still in high school and working on the ranch was an amazing opportunity that he got to be a part of for about 5 months, but I was excited to spend a little more time with him before he left for good! Welcome home Wesely!

Tanner on the other hand was a bit more challenging to navigate through. We talked a lot about commitments and following through with things as well as the pros and cons of the difficulty of doing school because of his concussion. At first, I told him he should stay there, get a job, and finish out the year. He understood and agreed. But then a couple of weeks went by, and I could feel it in my gut. He was like a lost puppy just wandering around all by himself. I knew I needed to collect my son!

After a brief conversation, I said, “Tanner, I think you should move home.” His eyes lit up and a smile grew across his face. He was so excited. He threw his stuff in the car and drove home that evening.

It was good to have them home.

I had so many things going through my mind.

I had thoughts about making sure I was thinking through things. Making sure I was advising him well.

As a mother, I am very kind and loving. I’ve also been careful as they’ve been growing up that my kindness and love never took over and rescued them from things that are good for them. It can be a tricky balance and one I don’t always get perfect but I’m aware of.

I struggle with how it would all look publicly. We have many friends and family in the area, and we are well known and people love my sons. But the quick change of plans I knew would not be the best reputation move we could have made.

At the end of the day, I always tell myself, “Nobody else is running your life or paying your bills or raising your kids. Just me. Only me. And I am a supermom. I know my children. I pray for them. I know what is good for them. I know how they think. I know how they tick. I know their faults and I know their strengths. I KNOW WHAT IS BEST FOR THEM. And I don’t care if ANYONE else agrees with my decisions or not.

I also don’t mind taking the heat for stuff. I tell my boys all the time that if they need some help, just blame it on mom. It's okay if I’m the bad guy. It’s okay if I’m not popular. There are so many other things going on that others don’t know. But I do! I know what is best for my kids! This doesn’t happen as much as they have gotten older. They quite like taking responsibility for their own lives, but when they were learning and weaving through family or peer pressures, Mom was a great fault fallback, and I was happy to take on that role till they found their voice and courage to stand up for themselves.

It’s a great feeling when you can tell everyone else to get out of your house (metaphorically speaking).

I think this is one of my greatest strengths as a mom. I am not conventional, and I do what I know is good and best for my kids regardless of anyone’s thoughts, opinions, or beliefs.

So back to my rollercoaster…

Once Wesley was home, I got excited. I was excited because I knew I would have some more time with him to do some special things that I had originally planned to do for his senior year.

Once Tanner came home, I got excited too. He loves his little brother so much and it is special to see how much he cares for him. He also helps me out around the house which is such a wonderful blessing.

Plus, when my older boys are home, I sleep better. I feel safer. I like that part.

So yes, I was feeling blessed, excited, warm, and comforted by both of their presences.

After a few weeks settled in, then, of course, my food budget was out of control again, and there were the late-night talks.

Now that the taste of freedom had come to each of them, new ideas, plans, dreams, and business, all started brewing and coming up in every single conversation.

They love to talk about all these amazing ideas, so they want to run everything by me and see what I think or tell me what they’ve decided or figured out and what their plan is.

They cover everything from moving across the country and going to school to becoming a doctor, starting a pool cleaning business, living with a friend, and everything else in between.

They talk about moving out in a week or possibly waiting to move till summer. Or then maybe not moving at all and just building something here that is closer to Mom and brother.

They talked about business, gathering their troops of friends and starting a car detailing business. They’ve talked about franchising the car detailing business and starting up a new one wherever they end up moving.

Again, all this to say, I find my emotions feeling like a ping pong ball going back and forth and back and forth and back and forth.

Tis the season…

When the world is at your fingertips as a young adult, and we have cultivated a home of genuine support, love, entrepreneurship, hard work, and ambitious spirits, it's no wonder they are exploding at all levels.

I honestly just can’t keep up with them. I’m often minding my own business (like trying to write this article lol) and I hear the knock on the door, “MOM! I have something to tell you, I’m so excited!”

I love it! I love it all!

And yes, it is an absolute rollercoaster, up, down, excited, thrilled, terrified, and worried…

Yet, I wouldn’t trade it for anything!

These are the moments I thank God that I’m alive (love that country song, you can listen to it here).

Sometimes I feel like yelling at the top of my lungs to stop the ride, hoping for everyone to pause. But I know full well that even if it did stop, the break would only last for a whole wappin 3 seconds and then the ride would continue.

It truly is a beautiful life and one I am so tremendously thankful for.

So, if you’re in a season of up and down and all around, just remember it's good!

Having a pile of dirty shoes on the floor, jackets, books, and homework spread over the house, laundry piled high and several pairs of eyeballs staring at you wondering what’s for dinner, just smile and say…

‘ya…this is the beautiful good life!’

Much love,

Angela