Trusting the ‘Mom gut’

Yesterday evening I was in my living room starting to write an article when I could sense in my gut something was off.

I had tucked Preston (my 9yo) in bed about 20 minutes prior and was enjoying a moment of quiet. Recognizing that sinking feeling in my gut from years of mom experience, I went to where Preston was laying down cuddled up in my bed.

I laid down next to him and asked him if he was okay or if he had been crying.

A sniffle and a slight pause followed…

“Yes, I’ve been crying” he said.

I replied with, “I knew it, I could feel it in my Mommy heart!”

He stared at me wide eyed.

I continued, “That’s pretty cool, isn’t it? That I could feel it in my Mommy heart?”

He replied with a surprised chuckle and said, “Ya, it is!” as he wiped away a tear.

We then both proceeded to chuckle together.

We talked and figured out the problem. And after a short time, all was well!

As I came back out to the living room and sat to write an article, I thought, “That’s such a great subject to write about, the mommy gut!

So here I am writing about it!

While I contemplated how to put my thoughts into words, I was reminded that even though we don’t’ want things to go wrong or our kids to hurt, sometimes the opportunity can present itself as a way for us to respond and remind them that they are important. In their sadness and through our response, it touches their heart, and honestly it touches our hearts too.

It’s so easy to dismiss that little nudge inside. I could have easily said to myself it wasn’t a big deal. After all, he hadn’t gotten out of bed to tell me something was wrong. I could have just left it alone and enjoyed my time.

And trust me, there have been plenty of nights where the kids knew to stay in bed after being tucked in because mommy really did need some quiet time! For her sanity and theirs! Lol!

I think that’s it, it’s our job to know when to listen and lean in when our internal hazard light is going off verses when to put be aware but not jump to every issue that might arise.

The first years of motherhood, I used to be surprised when I would get that ‘gut check’ that something was wrong and I would inquire about it, to find out that I was right. Literally, every single time! That’s quite an impressive track record if you ask me!

I’ve also been equally surprised when I did have the ‘gut check’ and I didn’t go and find out what was going on, to later realize that there was, in fact, a great need for mom to be present.

This can be a hard thing to know when to be attentive and when to let things ride out all by themselves. There really is such a thing as a helicopter mom and at times I’ve fallen into that, but it seems that the sweet spot is a little ebb and flow of both being observantly in tuned, and also having confidence to relax and not worry about everything and give the kids breathing room.

I remember my older sons the last few years their high school days, naturally wanting to do more things, go new places, have new friends, be out later at night, and overall have more privileges. I remember the feeling of having to choose to let these things take place because it was good for them both socially and just flat out growing up wise.

I remember times having some gut checks and just leaning into a time where I’d pray for them but wouldn’t pick up the phone to check. I remember sensing that sometimes it’s good for them to fall on their face and learn some things. It’s okay, really okay, for them to make mistakes. So, I would let them.

One of my goals as a parent was that by the time they were around 16 ish, I actually gave them opportunities to mess up or fail on purpose. Nothing that would be detrimental. A small example was me not reminding them when to leave for basketball practice. Yikes, that would suck really bad if they were late! They would have to run lines and get a yelling from their coach. BUT, they wouldn’t be late again after that now would they? And of course, I had given them plenty of time, years actually, to teach them how to time manage and be on time. Yet, it was time to release the hand holding and let them stumble. Even though my ‘mom gut’ was going off when I realized they were still sleeping on the couch and practice started in 10 min, I’d let them sleep!

When the kiddos are younger, it’s a little different, and being more hands on is appropriate.

I just know that the internal gut check is something to pay attention to. Even if I choose (when they are older) to let things run their own course and allow them to suffer natural consequences, I still pay attention in my mind and circle back around with the issue I was sensing.

My kids are often surprised that I knew anything at all about what was going on. I just smile and say, “Yep, I did.”

Usually, they had two reactions. One, they were annoyed that I was checking up on them and two, they’d sheepishly smile because it meant that I was concerned for the things going on in their life and they like it. They never admitted the latter. 😊

But back to Preston, the cute little 9 year old self that he is, and in the moment last night, he absolutely needed me to come check on him. Because I listened to my ‘mom gut’, we had a really special interaction that reminded him how much I love and care about him.

These are the things that add up. These are the things that stack, one on top of the other, and build a solid, complete, heavy foundation where kids can walk with confidence and security because they know where they belong.

So, all this to say, trust the Mommy gut!!! Or Daddy gut!!! You’ll be 99.9% right every time! Practice, practice, practice. Your confidence will grow as you do.

It’s a really simple, but extremely effective way to connect with your kids.

Internal Nudge + Responding = Connecting/Winning!

-A

P.S. Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash