you are the mirror

Living in the Pacific Northwest the weather is always changing. During Spring and fall (summer and winter too now that I think about it) you must always be prepared for any kind of weather. I have a basket I keep in my car with the essentials; umbrella, wind/rain jacket, sunscreen, sunhat, and sunglasses! Yes, you need these things available at all times because you never quite know when the moodiness of the skies will change.

I’ve left my house numerous times to run an errand with sunny skies and a warm breeze to be pulling into my driveway a couple of hours later counting the potential seconds it will take me to get from my car to my house, so I don’t get soaked! It's all quite an adventure!

A side, funny, personal note; at one point in my life, I completely gave up on shoes. For several years in a row, I just wore flip-flops most of the year and at night would put my cold feet into a bath or into a loved one's hands to let them warm up. I think it was the crazy mom stage where, for me, shoes were one less thing to worry about, and when I was racing out the door it was helpful to cut down on as many decisions as possible. Oh, I had cute boots, rain boots, beautiful heels, and tennis shoes too. I just usually thought of them as luxury items! Lol!

Now, back to what I was saying about the crazy weather…

This morning I pulled into the parking lot of a local coffee shop to meet a friend. I was excited to visit. Some really good girl talk and a hot cup of tea was calling my name. It was pouring rain outside, and I didn’t really want to get out of the car. I just wanted to be telepathically transported into the building and appear in my special seat! As I sat in my car looking at my windshield, contemplating when I would move, I just stared at the huge raindrops covering the hood.

As I sat there in meditation, I was embracing the reality once again that in all my efforts to live a good happy life, I absolutely, without a doubt, cannot EVER control the weather. Not one day, hour, or second am I ever in charge of what the weather will be like for that day.

I felt almost silly. I walk around thinking I have so much control. I suppose it's natural because if we think too hard about all the things that we can't control then our life gets small and hopeless quite quickly. I wake up every day with a knowledge of my planned day and move around my morning as if everything is settled. Yet the reality is that there are some really big things in life that won't even consider my wish or thought, like the weather, and simply do whatever it wants to do without any consideration of my preferences.

Well, in thinking deeply about how I cannot control the weather, I was reminded again just how important it is to do well with the things I CAN control. I sat with this for a moment…

I thought to myself, “What are the things I can control?”

Of course, my mind went to parenting because that is my gift. I then thought about you, my reader, and I thought, “I need to tell you this!” It may seem simple, but it is extremely profound.

You CAN show up and be a good parent. You CAN show up and be intentional, kind, thoughtful, etc. The way you show up for my kids and family is absolutely under your control. So much of the outcome of the relationship you have with your son or daughter does, in fact, land on YOU and how you choose to be. Just think about the incredible return on your investment of being an intentional parent.

Now that is empowering!

Being in control of things helps give us a place to feel secure. Feels like we know what we can depend on when we have control of something. As adults, we feel this, and our kids feel it too. Being in control of your relationship with your kid and showing up intentionally gives them the stability they need to thrive.

One of my parenting philosophies is that our children see themselves through us, their parents. They wake up every day and look at us as if we are a mirror to themselves. I suppose this concept sounds strange. Let me explain.

Their whole world and everything they know comes from whatever environment and relationship that you have given them or created for them.

The entire way they see their own life is warped through your lens as a parent.

From the time they are little, sit on your lap, and touch your face. Squeal, point, and cry. Dance, run, and play. EVERYTHING is built for them depending on what you give them. What kinds of food they eat, what their toys look like, the decorations or simplicity of your house, the style of clothes, vocabulary, and even things like sleeping habits or screen time. You are literally 100% the filter they see everything through as they are growing up.

Of course, as they continue to grow, outside influences help to shape them as well, but their reflection of who they are and what they know is bounced off you first and foremost.

So now we get to the meat of the subject.

Who are you?

Who are you as a person?

Who are you as a parent?

Who are you as a housecleaner, go-getter, badass lover, etc.?

Who are YOU?

These questions can be daunting because they create a super narrow binocular effect where suddenly, our insides and character are being completely zoned in on and exposed! Not to worry, if you’re reading this then that means you care deeply about your kids, family, and home so I’m sure that you are a very wonderful person.

These questions are not to make you squirm in your seat or make you uncomfortable, they are meant to allow you to see just how important you are in the eyes of your child.

Here’s an example; A few years ago, I bought a failing coffee shop before COVID-19, and even through the crazy shutdowns of the restaurant industry in my state, I still managed to grow the business 300% in 18 months!

Before that, I had several beautiful events in my home where I entertained upwards of 75 people including high military officials who ran the state of Washington.

I’ve helped plan, prepare, and serve food at weddings of 300 guests.

I’ve done numerous house projects from putting in hardwood floors, to tiling a new roof!

Why am I sharing this with you? Well, guess what, my kids have been my best cheerleaders! Over the years I have routinely heard, “Mom, you are amazing!” “You work so hard, and it is so cool to see what you accomplish.”

They have watched me over the years and now they all are inspired and motivated for their own lives. They have seen themselves through me and now own the space inside themselves where they desire to do great things with their lives too!

I frequently get asked, “Mom, how is your business going?” “How many new clients do you have?” That’s because they are excited for me. They have been brought up in an environment where hard work is a gift! Now hard work is a gift they feel for themselves.

So just as with my kids, your kids will grow from little to big, and as they do they use you as a mirror to see themselves. I also help them develop into their own awesome humans, so it never becomes off balance. It's just a super cool perspective to think that standing face to face with a kid is the same as them looking into the mirror and seeing themselves.

This is not something to be afraid of. More something to be aware of!

So just like how the rain is inconsistent where I live and I have absolutely no control over it, but with my home and the way I show up for my kids, I can be consistent because I do have control and it is worth some thoughtful effort.

Are you creating a stable environment for them to wake up to?

Are you greeting them with love and affection every morning and consistently saying good night to them before everyone goes to bed?

Do you turn your phone off and sit and talk?

And lastly, do you live a life you are proud of and want your kids to one day grow up and mirror?

Happy thinking my friend…

You’ve got this!

-Angela

P.S. Photo by Paige Cody on Unsplash